Too Shy For Words

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always been really shy like REALLY shy, mind you, I’m not even exaggerating. I still remember when I was in kindergarten and our teacher would let us sing the alphabet song or any nursery rhymes and make us stand in front of the whole class and I would literally shake because I was too shy to sing, so I tend to cover my face using my hair while looking at my shoes. I also used to cry whenever my mom leaves for work after she sends me to school because I didn’t want to be left alone at school. Haha!

Even when I was already in college, I always look at the lobby first whether there are a lot of students and contemplate hard enough if I should pass by the lobby or just use the other staircase near the cashier’s office (but it would consume a lot of time) and if I don’t have a choice and I really need to pass by the lobby because it is the shortest route to my classroom then I would use my phone and fake text then walk like my ass was on fire because of the anxiety that there could be people looking at me and judging me for what I look like or for how I walk (LOL!!). I know it sounds so weird and it’s quite absurd to think that other people would waste their time paying attention to someone like me, but it’s just how I feel whenever there are a lot of people, like sometimes I’d rather be by myself than mingle around with some new “peeps”. It’s also excruciatingly painful for me to introduce myself in front of the whole class like I would rather let my teacher give us a surprise quiz than to say something about myself in front of my classmates. Lmao.

Up to this day I am still very shy that it’s already affecting my life because as you can see I have already graduated and I still don’t have a job and if I have job interviews I always tend to flake out and ditch that job interview because I was too scared or I stutter a lot in front of the interviewee that it looks like I have a speech problem.

I really need to improve in that aspect, also learn how to just be confident within myself, and love the skin I’m in because if I don’t improve myself to be the best person that I can be, then nobody else would do that for me, except for myself. You are the only one who can make yourself be the person that you can be proud of someday.

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